12 Feb

When I was swimming, I loved getting feedback on my strokes. It meant I was getting attention and on my way to perfecting my technique. The more the better!

Now in clinicals, when I learn a mistake I made or get a question wrong or it turns out I overlooked something, I feel bad. At the end of the day I’m sighing and trying to relax about it all.

How come I’d be so happy to hear what i was doing wrong when it came to swimming, but not when it comes to smarts? With every comment or lesson, I felt like I was getting better, but in medicine I have to remind myself it doesn’t mean I’m a poor student or going to be an incompetent doctor.



3 Responses to “Feedback”

  1. whollymarvelous March 10, 2014 at 10:47 pm #

    i’m just gonna say that i could super relate to this, and therefore my reply is a bit long:
    for me a lot of those sad, heavy sighing days.. and getting really down on myself, days.. those dissipated a bit when i actually became an RN and had the paper in my hands. i think i struggled with my self worth during the process of becoming a nurse. i had so many fears and insecurities about my ability to legit become one! to actually be a nurse! whaaaat – it felt crazy! how on earth could i one day be held responsible for that? HOW on earth does one person remember all that?
    (the truth is that you don’t remember all that. and that’s okay).
    (fyi: for me, it was almost like impostor syndrome, i think. i felt like i was always just getting by without deserving it some days, and the days where i would actually feel good about myself and have hope that i could make it – all it would take would be one little mistake, or a silly error in judgement/thought, to make myself think – aha, there you go, you can’t do it after all.)
    but for some reason actually completing the program and having the paper, and being able to sign RN after my name.. it took a little bit of the mental pressure off. i had done it!
    but i also really struggled with mentally coming to terms with the fact that EVERYONE feels that way too. everyone. everyone. puh-lease. everyone.
    even “super strong” people that you would never, ever imagine do. and the ones that laugh at themselves, and seem to let everything roll of. and particularly the ones that tell you that they DON’T worry about it.
    they’re big fat liars. everyone feels that way.
    and everyone has totally stupid days, or says the wrong thing, or makes a mistake. everyone everyone everyone makes a mistake! i can’t stress that enough. and some mistakes are really stupid, and some are really bad. some mistakes hurt people, and some don’t. it’s all a toss up as to who’s going to eventually make what mistake, one day. we’re all going to do it, and the best we can hope for is that it’s a mistake that doesn’t hurt someone.
    for me, when we graduated/passed the CRNE, it was like suddenly this pressure was off and literally everyone just let all their mistakes out, and let stories flow, of how incompetent they had felt (or had actually been) during nursing school, or – “could you believe i did ______ ?”. it was shocking. and weird. what the what!
    i remember almost being mad, during final reflection presentations. i was sitting there, listening to all these stories, watching some of the people break down into tears in front of the whole class.. watching other people’s faces change as they actively re-experienced all the panic and shame, again.. and was just thinking – WHY weren’t we more OPEN about this!? literally every single one of us had been there, done that.
    i think that it would have cut everyone’s insecurities about themselves/their practice in half, and probably would have only led to a better learning experience overall.
    perhaps you don’t need to hear it (not sure what your group of school friends/classes are like), but maybe you do: it is ABSOLUTELY not just you who feels that way. and quite frankly if you weren’t feeling that way, *that* would probably be the indicator that you were questionable in your practice.
    you good.
    you gonna shine!
    (and some days you won’t, and you’ll actually totally suck, and you’ll go home and cry your eyes out and feel like shit for a week.. ! but THAT is normal, and everyone is going through that too. and it will pass.)
    go get ‘em!
    shan xo

    • Sunny March 10, 2014 at 10:51 pm #

      Wow I really needed to hear this, and to keep re-reading this. I so appreciate you for every word of this!!

      • whollymarvelous March 11, 2014 at 12:34 am #


        and seriously – anytime, feel free to message me.. even if it’s just to vent. venting is super important, and sometimes even better when it’s not with someone who is intimately involved with your practice/role/environment


Whutchu sayin'

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