Halfway through sub-i

Well I’m halfway. Last week I worked every day of the week. A patient coded while myself and my co subi were alone on the floor. Backup came, of course, but it was terrifying nonetheless. Next time we’ll know what we can do, instead of just auscultating while the patient is struggling to breathe.

I’m getting into the flow of things. Said bye to some patients I’ve grown fond of. One patient has her adult daughter by her side almost every moment day and night. Her daughter feeds her, changes her diaper, and keeps her company all through the night. I felt happy and sad to see them go. Will I get to ever know what happens to them? That’s goodbye for real?

I feel like a job is done when patients leave, but really its just that my part is done. They are rarely completely healed, just stable and safe to go home.
It feels good to feel myself becoming more efficient, less afraid, growing. But I also feel myself hardening a bit. Like things don’t affect me as much. It partly comes with experience I guess but mostly just helps to work faster. There are limitations to hospital care and as much as I love the pace and intense patient care, and I love the interdisciplinary work, but I also feel sometimes like just a pit stop or a bandaid. Are the changes I make going to impact their health down the road? Will their primary care doctor make any changes? Will they follow up? Are they any more healthy?

Two Mondays to go.