False start

20 Aug

I should have been on call tonight; almost 3 hours later, still not asleep.

I have a recurring memory that I haven’t thought of in years: the image of a curb, as seen from my old family van. It was my first day of high school and my mom was dropping my brother and I off. I had so many questions for him in the days leading up. All of them were variants of “will I make friends?” When we pulled up to the school I was suddenly overwhelmed with embarrassment and fear. I watched the van door open and I stared at the curb, frozen. Like a skydiver hesitating at the last moment. The van was safe with its tinted windows and I couldn’t let myself out to be exposed. In seconds, my brother behind me asked ,”what are you waiting for?” in an exasperated tone and I had to get out. I couldn’t believe it. I was in high school.

C’mon sleep. Go away brain.


Whutchu sayin'

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